Happy Valentine's Day
by mangaluva
Summary: Akako and Saguru have a date on Valentine's Day, and Akako decides that as her Valentine's Day present to him, she shall break reality to punish all who make her boyfriend suffer.Gratuitous amounts of crack and fourth-wall breakage.Happy Valentines Day!


Akako looked at the date on her calendar thoughtfully.

February 14th. Valentine's Day. A highly prolific day for couples. She had a date with Saguru later, of course, but she felt like, for all the peace he'd given her since they'd started dating, she owed him a little more than chocolate.

"Can you prepare a pentagram in the basement?" she called to her servant. "Just a basic one, I need to look up the details for the spell that I have in mind and I suspect that I shall have to make up some of it as I go along." The toadlike servant bowed and vanished, and, stretching and tying on her robe, Akako made her way down to her library.

It took a while to locate the spell she was thinking of, but it was fairly simple. It simply required one thing that existed on her side of the wall that couldn't on the other. Akako could think of a large number of things, but decided to keep it to something that _wouldn't_ leave blood when removed.

She snapped her fingers and smiled when the tiny object dropped into her fingers. Yes, that would do. Hopefully they wouldn't notice that it was missing.

The only other things that were really required were a dagger, some interdimensional candles and a taper. Standard witching paraphernalia. By the time she reached the basement, the pentagram was already prepared. She nodded thoughtfully, lighting a candle and using it to melt the bases of the others in order to stick them in place around the pentagram. She placed the tiny object in the centre, tying a single strand of her own hair to it and letting that strand trail out in between two points of the pentagram. Muttering the spell, she lit the hair, letting the fire trail down it to the little pill, which burst into a far oversized flame, burning a sort of _hole_ in the air. Akako reached through it.

_One… two… three… four._

_There_.

She smiled as she felt in crack, shatter, _break_. In an instant, the world around her changed.

She imagined that the sensation was not dissimilar to Neo's experience of seeing the Matrix.

"Do _not_ touch this arrangement," she ordered. "It won't burn itself out. I shall return this evening."

"Of course, my lady," the servant said, bowing.

* * *

"Ohayou, Akako!" Saguru greeted her with a smile. Akako smiled back- a _genuine_ smile, not the cold smirks that had once been the only thing to grace her face- and greeted her boyfriend with a little kiss.

"How does that little café around the corner from the school sound?" she suggested. "Amore?"

"Sounds lovely," Saguru agreed, taking her hand and beginning to walk. Akako chattered happily to him, but she was also keeping an eye out. She knew what form it would most likely come to Saguru in, and it being Valentine's day only gave it the opportunity to double.

As they were passing the school, she saw it. _Trouble_.

Aoko was angrily swinging her ever-present mop at Kaito as he jumped and dodged, heading in their direction. Akako narrowed her eyes- she could see the can of hair dye in his hands. The way this one was going…

Then the sight doubled. Through the metaphysical wall which she had this morning shattered, she could see another figure behind Kaito and Aoko. A teenage girl, fingers flying over a keyboard as text scrolled across the screen. Akako grinned maliciously as she snapped her fingers, causing the girl to gasp and collapse on the keyboard.

"djkfsl?" Kaito suddenly yelped, and then, with a momentary look of confusion, he and Aoko vanished- likely to reappear elsewhere, possibly with different partners.

"_It works_!" Akako thought with a grin, continuing her conversation with Saguru as if nothing had happened (and he hadn't noticed a thing). She glanced back at the image of the unconscious girl before it faded, her link to this world broken. "_They won't get him today_!"

They were about to turn the corner when Akako dropped her phone, causing Saguru, ever the gentleman, to stop to pick it up for her, giving her the opportunity to glance around the corner, where she was unsurprised to see that Kaito had reappeared, this time with Kudo Shinichi, with the detective pressed up against the wall and the two making out.

"_I think I can narrow the field on who this is…"_ Akako thought, before a similar image appeared, a young woman tapping away at a laptop. "_Yep, it's one of _them_. They keep using Saguru as an excuse to barge in on them…_" once more, she snapped her fingers, causing the woman to slump unconscious like her fellow. The instant she did, canon reasserted itself, causing Shinichi and Kaito to open their eyes, stare at each other for a second, then spring apart as if electrocuted.

"Who the hell are you?" Kaito yelped.

"What the hell are you _doing_?" Shinichi yelled at the same moment. Shinichi turned and ran off, wiping his mouth with his hand, while Kaito stared dazedly into space, then vaulted the wall, still wearing a look of utter confusion. Akako giggled.

"Here's your phone," Saguru said, proffering the device as he returned to her side, happily oblivious to what he'd nearly been made to walk into. All according to plan.

By the evening, she'd stopped four more KaiShins, three KaiRans, and seven AoKais. She'd also had to stop Kaito from attempting to sweep her away five times. "_Valentine's day… such a prolific day for couple oneshots, and all of the ones with Kaito seem to find an excuse to bedevil poor Saguru…_"

"Look at the time," Saguru mused, looking at his watch. "I suppose we'd better get home… wonderful days are always so short."

"Aren't they?" Akako agreed, kissing him on the cheek. Thinking that it was done, she dropped her guard as they approached a bridge. Then Saguru froze.

"What the-?" he muttered quizzically. Akako looked to the middle of the bridge and the two entwined figures and cursed. She'd never expected a KaiHei!

She could just knock out the ficthor, but since Saguru had already seen them, she might as well do a little more…

Once more, she knocked out the fangirling fanficcer (why were they all _women_? She'd only gotten one guy…), and as canon returned and Kaito and Heiji leapt apart in shock, she wiggled her fingers a little as if operating puppet strings. The unconscious writer's fingers began moving across her keyboard again, though her head remained slumped on the desk.

… _with a huge splash…_

Kaito fell backwards over the railing and into the river. Saguru glanced over the railing, watching in surprise, allowing Akako to do a little more without him noticing.

… _due to a strange migratory pattern, the Teimuzu was flooded with large trout…_

There was a very high-pitched scream from the river. From further across the bridge, a still-shellshocked Heiji began laughing his ass off. Saguru chuckled a little as he watched Kaito thrash.

"Happy Valentine's Day," he said, putting an arm around Akako as she leaned on the railing next to him to watch. She leaned next to him, putting her head on his shoulder and smiling triumphantly.

"Happy Valentine's Day."

* * *

_Omake_

Akako, still smiling softly, wandered down to the basement to extinguish the candles. She couldn't keep this spell going for too long, after all, and given that she'd used an APTX temporary cure to break the fourth wall it probably wouldn't last more than 24 hours on its own anyway. Before she extinguished the candles, she glanced through the hole, to where a teenage girl pushed her glasses up her nose before yawning and returning to writing, keeping her promise to finish the oneshot.

"Thank you, dearie," Akako said. The girl nodded nervously.

"_You promise not to use the spell to punish us the rest of the year?_" the words appeared in Akako's head as the girl's fingers tapped across the keys. Akako grinned maliciously.

"Well, your kind control that, don't you?" she said sweetly. The girl visibly rolled her eyes before she started typing again.

"_I really wish we could control you._"

Akako's grin widened as she blew out the candles with a wave of her hand. The last expression on the fangirl's face was a mixture of tiredness and fear of a "what have I done?" variety.

* * *

_I think I was talking to Key-chan about how Akako never turns up in DC because she breaks reality too much, and how in just about any form of fic involving MK characters poor Saguru ends up on the wrong end of a lot of pranking and head-messing, and how I hoped that Akako wouldn't use her ability to break reality to punish us for that, and, uh… yeah. Anyway, Happy Valentine's Day! (Says the sad single person who spent the night at a friend's birthday party watching Pokémon movies. He turned 19 XDXD)_

I don't own DC or MK. They own me, heart and soul.


End file.
